The Adventures of Sanic: A Sonic Fanfic (Unfinished)
1 - Sanic and Friends
Once upon a time, I mean, One day... Sanic was surfing the internet when suddenly... he found the official SEGA forums! He was excited for this, so he logged right then. Then, a ton of people assumed he was a troll and happily banned him. "What the hell?" Sanic exclaimed.
He was starting to get pissed. "Why the fuck would they do this!?" He was starting to yell. "I'm an authority figure, goddammit!"
He got so pissed he eventually punched his computer. He realized his rage was over nothing, and the SEGA Forums figures the banner was a hacking troll. He started to calm down. "Damn it. Well, I'm gonna go do something productive now."
Then he sat himself down straight onto the couch. He picked up the remote with such brash, he almost broke it. He lifted up a thumb ever so slightly, pushed the finder over the red button labeled "Power" and pressed it without a care. Suddenly, his TV screen lit up, like a Christmas Tree that's sitting in a fire. Teils must have left Disney on because he eyes were suddenly assaulted with shitty sitcoms. After finally ending, the holy grail of current Disney came on. Gravity Falls. Sanic's eyes were glued to the television. He couldn't take them away. The show was so witty and charming it was like it put you under a paralyzation spell when you were watching.
Then, Phineas and Ferb came on. You finally came to your senses and changed it because the plot is getting stale. Channel 101: The Hub, you change it to that. It has a marathon of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. You decide to give the show a chance, since Teils used to whine his ass of to get to watch it. It was beautiful. The colors, the plot, the other plot (if you know what I mean), the characters, the presentation, it was all simply amazing. You get caught up until your hear a knock on your door.
"Whooo iiiis iiiiit?" Sanic chimed. The door slammed open. It was Knockles. "Knockles, what are you doing here?" Sanic was was holding something orange. It looks a but familiar.
"I'm fucking angry!" Knockles bellowed. "Your little piece of shit sidekick went looking through my porn collection." Sanic immediately knew what the mysterious orange object was. It was Teils.
"Teils! What'd I say about looking through Knockles porn!?" Sanic was yelling.
"Please... more..." Teils was desperate for more porn.
Sanic was at least calming down. "Dude, do you know what pr0n does to you?" Sanic gestured at Knockles. "Just look at him!" Knockles beat the sh*t out of Sanic for saying that. "No, screw you, I am PERFECT!"
Knockles yelled. Sanics nose was starting to bleed. "Stooooop!"
Sanic was helpless now. He enraged Knockles, and he knows Teils is too much of a bitch to help. "No, fuck you!" Knockles then masturbated over Sanic. Then he covered Sanic's face with semen. Sanic threw up all over Knockles. "...you win this round, bitch." Then Knockles stormed off.
"That was scary!" Teils exclaimed. "Go to your room." Sanic said flatly. Teils happily followed his orders.
Sanic wiped the now-dry blood and cum from his face. He decided to go outside, so out the door he went. Teils was in his room. "Can I come out now!?" He shouted, but with no answer. "Ok!" Teils then waiting for approval.
2 - Fun Times with Sanic
Sanic was outside, minding his own business, when he saw a playground. "Oh, fuck yeah." He knew what he was gonna do.
He went over to the Ice Cream man and paid him $178 dollars if he let him use the cart, so the Ice Cream man took the money, then happily declined, like the dick he is. Sanic got pissed again. He beat the little piece of shit up and stole his uniform. Sanic went near a tree, and pulled his pants down. He got out a knife from his pockets, and carefully cut a round hole. He rammed his cock into the hole. The cold Ice Cream was painful, but only added to Sanic's massive dick.
He carefully slid his cart up the playground, with his extended dick. "Hey, kids!" He called out. "Free ice cream!" All the kids perked up and ran fucking Mach 9 towards Sanic.
The kids reached in the bin and pulled out the popsicles, and eventually partially exposing his big blue dick. A kid immediatley gripped his johnson, and yanked it. "This is a weird looking popsicle." The kid said.
"It's specially made" Sanic lied. "It appears to be frozen. Why don't to you try and get it out for me?"
The kid pulled, and pulled, and yanked, and squeezed, Sanic couldn't take it anymore, and came on the little kid. "Uh..." The kid was sill processing what the hell was going on.
"It's specially made" Sanic repeated. "Sometimes it can shoot cream all over the place."
The kid tried his hardest to win against Sanic's hardest. "Oh, i'm sorry, It appears you can't get it out. Why don't you try again? Anyone who has the popsicle gets a free tour of the popsicle factory!
Encouraged by this, the kid tried his absolute best to acheive Sanic's diamond dick. Sanic just simply had enough. He came all over the kid again. Then he heard a voice "I'll have some..." Sanic looked up from the struggling kid. It was Emy! "Can I try?" Emy asked the struggling kid. The kid nodded.
Emy gripped onto Sanic's boner, and pulled so hard she TORE OFF his dick. "OH FUCK, WHY!?" Emy was worried" I'M SO SORRY!
What was left of his dick was oozing with blood and cum. The kid went over to his mom and threw up all over her. Then he passed out. The Mom saw what happened, and went over and slapped Sanic. Then she called 911. The medics arrived and carried Sanic and his dismmbered dick to the hospital. The kid never woke up again.
At the hospital, they reattached Sanic's dick. Then the Doctor was there to bring the devestating news. "Just tell me, Doc." Sanic pleaded. "Is my dick gonna be alright?
The Doctor looked through a couple pages. "Your penis is gonna be alright" Sanic was releived to hear this "BUT... you can never cum again. The amount of semen that poured out was the last you had."
Sanic was devestated. "NOOOOOOOOO!" He shouted.
There was another knock on the door. "Who is it?" Sanic said. The door opened to see Teils and Rebutnik. Teils was obviously crying. "Oh. YOU two."
Rebutnik was holding some flowers "I'm sorry for you and your pingas."
Sanic was starting to get pissed "Augh. HERE we go again. Quit saying pingas and use an ACTUAL, ENGLISH term, like dick or cock or boner o-"
"Sanic, please." The Doctor intterupted.
"And Teils, stop being a bitch and quit cr-" Sanic started to say.
"Sanic, PLEASE!" You could hear the anger in his voice now.
Sanic felt a little bad. "Sorry."
After a few days, Sanic was out of the hospital. "Glad that's over, but the duct tape is really itchy" He couldn't stop scratching his balls.
"Come on over here and sit down on the couch." Teils invited Sanic.
Sanic sat down next to Teils. Teils turned on the TV to see The Hub playing My Little Pony. "Funny." Teils said. "I don't remember leaving it to this." He looked at Sanic. "You finally watched it, didn't you?" Teils asked.
"Uh... I-I decided to, I w-was bore-" Sanic stuttered. "I-I d-d-didn't me-I punched your computer." Sanic finally got out.
"WHAT!?" Teils was pissed now. He checked his Mac to see the screen broken. "FUCK YOU!"
"Hey!" Sanic warned "Language, mis-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH" Sanic didn't always have the best reputation among his buddies.
"Sorry?" Sanic tried to apolagize, but was worried Teils might masturbate over him as well.
3 - Late Night Sanic
Sanic got an extreme boner that night. So extreme you could name him Diamond Dick. Then Sanic's aformentioned "Diamond Dick" could talk. He said "This is not going into the story".
Sanic freaked the fuck out and tore his dick off, much like Emy did. Then he woke up. "Oh god..." Sanic said "IS THAT REALLY WHAT I THINK ABOUT!?"
Sanic then found Rebutnik next to him. "Lemme touch your pingas. Just once." He said lustfully.
Sanic screamed and punched him so hard Rebutnik threw up all over Sanic. "Get me a paper towel" Rebutnik pleaded.
"Um..." Sanic left, because the situation was getting weird.
He left and went downstairs, turned on the TV, and started to watch MLP. "My Little Pony..." He started to sing along.
"A-HA!" Teils jumped out from behind the cabinet.
Sanic looked like a constipated guy who just ate a bowl of beans "OH GOD WOAH!"
"I KNEW YOU WERE WATCHING PONIES!" Accused Teils.
"I-I-I didn't me-I was just curiou-" Sanic sputtered. He didn't know how to respond. "I downloaded several thousand terabytes of porn onto your new computer" Sanic admitted.
"WHAT!?" Teils raeged again. He looked a his computer to see it was still loading the MLP page he tried to get on hours ago. "WHAT THE FUCK, SANIC!? I JUST BOUGHT THAT PEICE OF SHIT!"
"Um..." Sanic was still afraid he might get another faceful of semen. "Yeah, I watch My Little Pony now."
"KNEW IT!" Teils shouted
"Hey sexy!" Sanic heard from upstairs. "When are we gonna get it back on?"
Teils was confused "Who was that...? It sounded like a... MAN!"
"Teils, it's not what you think." Sanic tried too tell Teils this, but he knew he couldn't be trusted.
"Sanic, you're gay now arn't you?" Teils asked.
"NO!" Sanic tried his best to convince Teils, but he only added to Teils' suspicions. "I-I mean, I had a lot to drink so you think..."
Teils got on the best pedo look he could pull off. "Oh yeah, you were drinking alright..."
"Teils that's not funny." Sanic said.
"You're right, it's not..." Teils said "IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS!"
Sanic was starting to get even more pissed. He starting beating Teils up. "THAT IS NOT FUNNY! YOU HEAR ME!? THAT IS NOT FUNNY!"
"Okay! Okay! Stop...!" Teils pleaded. Sanic came to his senses and stopped.
"Sorry, Teils" Sanic apologized. "But you know better than to piss me off."
"Did you get that, Knockles?" Teils said?
"Yep!" Knockles responded from behind the counter. "But your pedo look was a little blurry. I'M PUTTIN' THITS SHIT ON THE YOUTUBE!"
Teils glared at him "Right after a give it to the police..."
"Good boy." Teils said as he patted Knockles on the head. "Now be an even better boy and fetch me the newspaper."
"But-" Knockles started.
"I SAID FETCH ME THE GODDAMN NEWSPAPER!" Teils shouted. Knockles didn't have a choice now. He ran off whimpering. "Ah, he was a bitch anyways." Teils said.
"He's not femal-" Sanic said.
"HE IS IF I SAY SO, FUCKER!" Teils shouted at Sanic. Sanic got scared. He ran back up into his bedroom, forgetting that Rebutnik was still in it.
"Sup." Rebutnik said.
"GET OUT OF HERE, YOU GAY COCKNOCKER!" Sanic yelled with tears in his eyes.
Rebutnik scurried out of there. "OKAY, OKAY! Geez, I have gay sex with a straight friend, now I'M the bed guy."
Sanic got to his closet to get his jammies, and suddenly Bog appeared. "HELLO!" Bog greeted. "Have you seen my froggy?"
"Who the hell are you?" Asked Sanic.
"I'm Bog the Cet! Have you seen my froggy?" Bog repeated.
Sanic had seen enough surprises for one night."No. Now shut the hell up and go away." Bog replied with an "Ok" and skipped off.
Sanic was so tired after the past weak (YES I SPELLED THAT RIGHT), so he needed some genuine rest. He climbed into bed, hoping tomorrow would be a NORMAL day. But, boy, was he wrong...
4 - Virtual Sanic
Sanic woke up with an extreme boner. His member looked longer than he remembered. Sanic took a huge shit, got out of bed, then put on his pair of sweat pants. His boner was as obvious as a black man. He then went into his car and drove. He didn't know where her was going. He dozed off. He eventually woke up upside-down on some guys roof. Then he fell off and landed on an old guy. It killed him.
"I'm sorry..." Then he spotted something... "HEY, VIDEO GAMES!" He ran over to then quickly. "Ah, it's just a bunch of shitty Atari 5200 games." He spotted a certain game titled "Hot and Steamy". "Wha...?" Sanic questioned it. He took it and ran away.
When he finally got home, he took the game out, went downstairs and popped the game into his old Atari 5200 he owned when he wanted to kill himself. It was a porn game. It showed a realistic-as-an-atari-5200-can-get naked lady. The controller somehow worked.
The game involved you to go around the streets and have sex with as many people as you can, and at some points, people would kick you out. The game was glitchy at several times. If you had sex with 100 people, you'd get a prize. Or so I heard. The quality of voices on these types of systems are shit. His virtual sex slave had humped 99 people, but if only he was able to. Everyone was kicking him out. And the more people who kicked him out, the more glitchier the game got.
"You won" Sanic heard. The quality sounds like Sanic shat it out his crusty ass himself. "What?" Sanic was confused. Why would the game tell him to intercourse 100 times if he needed 99 sexy times to win?
Teils was up in his room. "Hm, I havn't seen Sanic all day..." He's probably in the basement destroying his cock again. I guess i'll try out some of that 'porn' on his computer now". Teils went to Sanic's computer and did just that. He almost wore out his dick. He couldn't take it tho. His dick came all over Sanic's room. I beleive some got down onto the living room, but behind the TV where Sanic couldn't find it if he tried.
Meanwhile, with Sanic, his porn game was still acting funny, and the woman was beyond kept pressing the 1 button, which was the button to enter a house. Eventually he was let in, but instead of the 2 people having fun, it looked like pink, yellow and green static. The HUD was still there, somehow, but the rest of the screen was fucking creeping him out.
All of a sudden the lady was there. The graphics looked slightly enhanced, like the game belonged to the NES. The graphics look a bit distorted, but her features are more prominent. The HUD is still there, but the background was white, and the lady was in front of everything, and by everything I mean the HUD and background, like she was about to come out of the screen and rape Sanic.
While Teils kept on his cum-splosions, The game produce a high pitch sound, while the lady dissapeared. The score was becoming a mess of numbers. Sanic's ears were near-bleeding. Then noise finally stopped while the game returned to normal. The lady was in the building, but she wasn't humping anyone. The only major diffrence Sanic could see that the Lady's stomache was bulging, like she was pregnant, and the graphics looked like Gamecube-quality.
Her naked-ness was even more prominent now. Her vagina was wide open and her boobs looked bigger. It looked like she was in a hopsital now. Then Sanic fogured it out. Her bulging stomache, the Hospital setting, she was gonna have a baby. He was walking down some more, then he pressed down on a corridor. It showed her having her baby in it's original Atari 5200 graphics.
The game then turned hyperrealistic while she raped her baby to death. It was fucking disgusting. Sanic almost threw up. The baby was covered in cum and she threw it down, it almost broke the floor. Then she ate the baby. Seeing the baby's insides and organs made Sanic throw up. Everywhere. As soon as the cutscene ended, the TV turned off.
Sanic was afraid of the game and he didn't want to see it ever again. He took it, went upstairs (Without noticing the mass amount of cum that somehow got downstairs), got in his car, drove to where he though the garage sale was (The dead old man was still there), and he chucked it out the window, and landed on the old guy square in the head. When he got back home we still didn't notice the cum, went downstairs, grabbed a hammer and smashed the TV and Atari 5200 to bits. When he got back upstairs he finally noticed the cum.
"TEILS, WHAT THE FUCK!?" Sanic shouted.
"Sorry!" Teils came in naked from upstairs.
"Teils, how the fuck did all of this semen get here!?" Sanic asked.
Teils looked a bit sorry. "I checked out porn on your computer."
Sanic got pissed. "TEILS." He shouted. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT PORN!? NOW CLEAN THIS MESS UP AND GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Teils did exactly that. Sanic had enough dicks and vaginas and cum. So he plopped down on the cum-covered couch and fell asleep.
5 - Party Sanic
When Sanic woke up, he was a sticky as shit, but the couch was clean. He thought that Teils already cleaned the massive cum up. Sanic got out of the couch and took a huge shit on Teils, lying in the middle of the floor. He checked the time, 7:45 PM. FUCK! He missed the repeat of Gravity Falls he usually catches the saturday after the actual episode airs. "Fuck it", he stated, then his phone started making noises like when Sanic shat on Teils a couple minutes ago.
"DAMNIT!" Sanic yelled. He checked his phone. It was his pal, Mareo. "dude" Sanic read out loud because he was a total douche. "u shuld totes cum to mah awesum party 2night, is gunna b 7:50 pm" Sanic snickered at how Mareo spelled "cum". Then again, I don't think Mareo ever passed English, but, truth in all, I don't give a fuck. Let's check up on Sanic.
He looked at the clock again. "7:49 PM'. He checked his wriswatch: "7:49:59". OH FUCK!
He went to his car he always leaves unlocked, unguarded, and pre-hotwired, just in case. He went in it, and drove it at Warp 9 with a 126-pack of extra-large, extra-buzz beers. About a couple seconds later he was at the door with Mareo opening it right then. "Oh haaaaaay!" He greeted. "Rite on tiem" He said in his usual, bad-grammar-ish way. "Cum rite on in" Sanic kept snickering on how he says/spells "Cum".
Upon entering, a few more guests arrived, including Sanic's happy fun-time piece-of-shit arch-enemy-sorta, Shedow. "GEE WILLIGERS!" Shedow announced in his too-cheery verve "THIS SURE IS A LOVELY SHINDIG YOU HAVE HERE!"
"Um thx" Mareo said.
A few more guests arrived, like Sanic's college roommate Dolan, and Mareo's pussy-ass bro, Leigi. "Hi" Leigi greeted Mareo, as his usual pussy-ass self.
An explosion of people came in, some Mareo didn't even invite. "WUT TEH HEIL IS GOIN AWN" Mareo said.
Then, Sanic found My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic playing on Mareo's TV. He couldn't contain his inner brony. He Sanic Boomed over there and sat right down next to the orange fella who put the show on. Upon landing did he finally know who the only orange-brony he knew was. "TEILS!" Sanic yelled.
"Oh, i'm not this 'Teils' guy you seek," Teils(?) said in a mysteriously low voice. "I'm..." Teils(?) turned around to reveal the goatee of the impostor. "TAYLZ!" Tayls announced. "But some people call me Mylz".
"Ohhh, kaaaaaay..." Sanic saw that the episode was "The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well". Sanic hated that episode and went off. He found the one-and-only Sonic, his more-famous impostor. "FUCK YOU, SONIC!" Sanic yelled.
"Woah, easy tiger." Sonic said.
Sanic's face flushed with raeg"YOU STOLE MY GODDAMN SPOTLIGHT!"
"Um... I was created about 25 years ago." Sonic stated. "And you are HOW old...?"
Sanic shut up. "That's what I thought." Sonic said. And left feeling quite triumphant.
Sanic searched the party some more. Even tho Mareo's house is so full a claustrophobic person wouldn't go 920 inches near it. He found an underage gaggle of little bitch kids. "Ah ha ha ha ha" Leigi said. He was laughing.
He was about to rape them when a brown blur of fur caught up and swooped them. He was only in sight for about a second, but something seemed off with his leg. But he didn't give a fuck. He was at a party and he wanted to get laid. Then he finally realized he was an ugly peice of fuck no one wanted.
Sanic got drunk that night and almost destroyed Mareo's house, even though it was near that state many times. He broke several bulbs with his fist, he urinated in a radiator, and threw up all over teh television, which was now playing Dan VS., a show about a pissed of little midget.
Sanic got home that night with a full erection and a tore-up paper saying he needed to stay at least 50 ft. from children and small aminals. "By god, you look like a wreck!" Teils said.
"I don't give a fuck. I had fun tonight, and that's all that matters..." Sanic said.
"Oh, and Sanic, Halloween is in about a week." Teils proclaimed
"FUCK." Sanic said.
He sped out into teh garage, piss-ass drunk, and sloppily set up everything, so it looked like his house was in a hurricane of cheap Halloween shit. "Good enough." Sanic said, so slurred it was almost unintelligable. (Look what you made me do I'm using big words now)
"I'm going upstairs to go masturbate" 14-year-old Teils said.
"Just don't shoot out an loads. Remember what happened lastt time?" Sanic said.
"Yeah, yeah, I won't do that anymore." Teils said, untruthfully.
It was about the time Sanic passed out is when Teils got his walls "painted" white.
6 - Sanic and the Olympians
Sanic was walking in on Teils fornicating with a lead pipe to absoultely nothing. Sanic just stood there. Teils didn't notice him. Sanic was wondering what the fuck he was doing. Then Teils went to the window. Sanic was still sitting there. Teils slammed his penis against the frame. Then he masturbated some more. Sanic slowly creeped to Teils. He saw his eyes fixed on a target that looks so sloppily painted he thought a raped colorblind baby with tourettes made it. Teils fapped some more. And positioned his dick for a second before the glue showers began. He hit everywhere but the target, which was sprawled everywhere so Sanic was surprised he never hit it. "Can I try?" Sanic asked.
Teils jumped "HOLY SHIT BRO WHAT THE FUCK" he was scared momentarily. He felt like he found out his sister knew about that one adult fanfic he made. Then he was finally able to calm his tits. "I was practicing on my aim."
"Well why would you do that?" Sanic asked. He thought Teils was being serial cray-cray.
"Well, what if some crazed midget with mystic powers comes in butt naked with an orgasm-causing amulet with no one around to help?" Teils replied.
Sanic didn't know how to respond to this crazy shit he was spewing. "Well... you have a colorful imagination. I'm gonna go now, ya freak."
Teils was about to rub another one out. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Then the door hit Sanic on the way out. "Ah ha ha ha ha!" Teils said. He was laighing. Sanic then could hear Teils' room being "repainted".
I wonder why Teils would even think that's a possible scenario. Then his doorbell rang. When Sanic answered it, it was an ass-naked midget with an amulet, whose hair was fucking enormous. Although he couldn't see any reproductive organs. "Mabel I have ca-
SHIT WRONG FANFIC!" The weird bitch said.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Sanic shouted. So basically Sanic went on Teils' computer to mess some shit up on it, so when he turned it on, it was on Teils' Yahoo account. Being the dick Sanic is, he checked out everything.
But after a while, he came across an email that was from a day ago (Teils had a very filled inbox) that was from "The Pornlypic Officials". Sanic checked it out, and it seems like Teils sent in a submission video to these guys to be in the aformentioned Pornlympics, the adult-themed olympic event that occurs once a year. Teils was slected to do be a part of the Masturbation Archery event. Sanic found out the Pornlypics were in a week. It's been Sanic's dream to be in the pornlympics. So he devised a plan to get into it, which he doesn't reveal until later on. Because plot and stuff.
A few days later, Teils came to Sanic. "Hey Sanic can I have some money?"
"Why?" Sanic asked, even though he already knew the answer.
"Uh... I, uh... I should... er..." Teils stuttered. "I need to bail my cousin out of jail."
"Of course!" Sanic said. "In fact, let me drive you."
"NO!" Teils shouted.
"Well, why not?" It seems like Teils didn't want Sanic to be there, despite him talking about for as long as Teils could understand english.
"Er... My family... um... they don't like hedgehogs." Teils got out. It's like Sanic KNEW he didn't want him to go.
Sanic knew what was going on. "Ok, let's cut the crap." He said in a more serious tone. "You want to go to the Pornlympics and you don't want me to come."
"No, no..." Teils tried to say. "I... um... yeah, you're spot on."
"I KNEW IT!" Sanic yelled. "But why won't you let me come with you? I've been talking about it ever since you could understand english!"
"Exactly!" Teils said. "Since I got in, you're just gonna try and weasel yourself in!"
"Pfffffffttt." Sanic said. "I will not."
"Pinkie pie swear?" Teils said
"Fine, pinkie pie swear!" Sanic said. "Cross my heart and some dumb shit, stick a cupcake in my eye." As he tried to do it, he accidentally poked his eye. "SON OF A BITCH!" He shouted in anger.
"And..." Teils tried to think of what he'd do to Sanic. "How about I rape you if you break the swear?"
"What!?" Sanic shouted. "Hell no!"
"You Pinkie Sweared!" Teils reminded him.
Sanic sighed. "FINE... you get to rape me if I break the swear. Now let's board the plane, you don't want to be late. You could win a golden dildo!"
So they boarded the plane and headed off to Miami, Florida, the place where the Pornlympics are held. "Hey Sanic?" Teils asked.
"What?" Sanic replied.
"Do you know how many people mistook this chapter for something inolving Percy Jackson, due to the title?"
"I don't know."
"Well, there's gotta be at least somebody."
"Yeah... I'm gonna fall asleep now."
With Sanic knocked out, Teils started zoning out as well. He decided to read, but he was too lazy of a fuck to get the book he packed. Teils decided to look out the window. He almost shit his pants and freaked out. He forgot he was afraid of heights. In his shit fit, he hit Sanic multiple times.
With an uncomfortable ride, the two finally arrived to Florida. "I read that there are 2 parts to Miami." Sanic said. "The insanely gay part, and the actually decent part."
Through their drive, they came across a worn down old neighborhood. Teils was disgusted. He even saw a hobo behind a Taco Bell.
When they eventually arrived to their hotel, Sanic realize the Holiday Inn they were settling at was overrun by flaming homosexuals. "I hope to god we're not in that 'Insanely Gay' part of Miami."
"I think we are" Teils said.
"Hey boys!" One of the staff said to Sanic. He sounded like a nancy boy. "Are you looking to have a good time?"
"Uh..." Sanic didn't know what to say.
"Well if you are, go to Nature's Beauty Golfing Range. One of the best golfing expreiences in Florida!" The employee said as he trailed off.
"Let's just go... to our room" Sanic said as he checked in.
So off they went, swimming, golfing, "eating", and other festivities. Teils was uncomfortable swimming because he brought a speedo and he always had at least 69 men gawking at him (There never seemed to be any broads in this place). It was like that for a few days. Then they decided to get down to training. But with training, they needed music. "Teils, give me your iPod." Sanic asked. Teils handed him his iPod Nano. "You seriously fucking have one of these? Oh my god I'm so ashamed of you."
"FINE." Teils said. He gave Sanic his Andriod.
"That's better." Sanic told him. As he looked through, he found that Teils had the weirdest fucking taste in music. "I don't think I've ever seen Queen and Hastune Miku on the same device," Sanic admitted. He was actually surprised about the amount of songs. "Where'd you get the money for all these?" He asked.
"None of your damn business." Teils replied.
"Hey, language mister!" Sanic warned him.
"I'M GONNA BE IN THE FUCKING PORNLYMPICS, I CAN DO WHAT I FUCKING WANT." Teils bellowed.
"Only, like, .001/34 of the population know about the Pornlypics. Besides, you're not a slutty pop star, now shut up and start fapping." Sanic said.
So, for the next few hours, they spent the time having Teils running, stretching, lifting weights, and, of course, creaming himself. "I think you're ready!" Sanic said.
"I feel pumped!" Teils stated. "Or maybe it was that last orgy, but still, I feel excited!"
"That's the spirit," Sanic told him. "And look, it starts in..." he checked his calendar. "ONE HOUR!? And the drive there is an hour and a half!? Could this be any worse?"
"Actually..." Teils started. "the Masturbation Archery event is actually first. And all the participants in the events must arrive a half hour EARLY to actually BE in this."
Sanic wanted to kill himself so damn bad. Then he remembered, he's a fucking supersonic hegehog. He could just RUN there. Hell, he could clear 20% of the trip in 10 seconds flat. He was almost about to take Teils there, but then he remembered his plan he said earlier. So he didn't.
Then he put his master plan into action. "I'll attempt to drive there." Sanic promised. They got into the car and Sanic drove... he actually drove a little slow.
"Wha-why are you going slow?" Teils asked.
"I'm driving to the speed limit. I don't wanna be arrested. Not after that last time..." Sanic replied.
"Last time? What happened then?"
"Ah, some stupid shit involving Pop Rocks and jean shorts."
"Long story. Actually, longer than you think."
Teils saw Sanic was actually 13 numbers UNDER the speed limit. He started to question it, but never thought too much about it. The ceremony was already a minute and 9 seconds in by the time they got there. "Sanic?" Teils started to ask.
"Yeah?" Sanic said.
"Did it occur to you that there are no cameras?" Teils said.
"Eh." Sanic said. All he had on his mind was his master plan...
Later, the announcer came on. "IT'S TIME FOR THE PORNLYMPICS!" he bellowed. "First up, masturbation archery!" Everyone got in line. Except Teils. Because he was late. Instead, Sanic took over. "It looks like we have a late contestant here folks!" The announcer said. "He is the only person who wasn't here when we started, Teils Priwer!"
"THAT'S his last name!?" Sanic thought. That's the shittiest excuse for a last name he ever heard. Except maybe Kerflauzowits. But that's another story. But YOU may be thinking "How did Sanic get in if they didn't accept late entries?" Well, earlier...
"What do you mean you're letting me in?" Sanic questioned. "I thought I was late!"
"Well, Teils (they didn't know they got the wrong guy), we ask you to be early for a check to see how good you look." One of the officials stated.
"Don't you have, like, the contesting submit a video before letting them in?" Tei-I mean, Sanic questioned.
"Uh..." the official said. He couldn't tell them that they just accept every application and they're really do-HEY WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME THE EVENT'S STARTING
Teils was walking home. It's actually surprisingly close to the hotel. The fact that Sanic was driving slow actually made him suspicious. Also because Sanic didn't come with him. But he just thought he went 2 fast 4 him. "First up, masturbation archery!" Teils heard. The speakers were loud as fuck. Also I never established this was the present. It's still earlier. "It looks like we have a late contestant here folks!" Wait, what? I thought they didn't accept people coming in late! "He is the only person who wasn't here when we started, Teils Priwer!" Then Teils peaced everything together. That lying bitch!
Back in the present, Sanic was about to step up for masturbation archery. He pulled his pants down, and as soon at he took his first rub, he heard the doors to inside the area burst open. "STOP!" Someone screamed. "Oh fuck, Teils!" Sanic thought. He was really in deep shit now.
"Sanic, what the fuck!?" Teils yelled.
"Sanic!?" The official who talked to him earlier yelled. "What's going on here!"
Sanic sighed. "I'm sorry Teils. I really wanted to get into the Pornlympics."
"BUT THAT DOESN'T EXCUSE YOU FOR DELIBERATELY TAKING OVER!" Teils bellowed.
Sanic felt really bad. "Let's just go home."
"I'm gonna rape you when we go back to the hotel though." Teils said.
"What, why!?" Sanic said.
Teils was kinda shocked he didn't remember. "You Pinkie promised."
"I did, didn't I? Oh well." Sanic said.
The official stopped him as he made his way out. "Get back here!"
"But why?" Sanic asked.
"Uh..." The official didn't want to reveal anything, but he'd seem more suspicious than he already was if he didn't answer. So he moved closer to Sanic. "Look, I'll let you in on a little secret. We're all gay. We're just looking for some decent porn around here."
Sanic and Teils looked over to the announcer, who they could obviously tell he was masturbating. "But why?" Sanic said.
"Us gays have been shunned by some of the populace for years. We really want some gay porn, but those damn homophobes won't make any. So we set this up."
"Really?" Sanic told the official. "So this whole thing was just an excuse for some decent porn?"
"Yes" The official admitted. "And if you say this to anyone, I'll cut you."
"Gay wrath. You don't want to mess with it." Some guy in a wheelchair said.
Sanic was a little frightened. "We're gonna go home now." Teils nodded.
The official sighed. "Fine, go..."
And so, Sanic and Teils went back home and rough-ass buttsex (pun intended I guess) was ensued. Meanwhile, it was revealed that the Pornlypics were a set up, but also subsequently caused gay porn on the internet to increase. The official tracked down Sanic and cut him. It hurt a lot. Knockles was masturbating this entire time. I'm not kidding. All this time he was sitting at his home whacking it. His fapping arm was seriously muscular. It was scary. Okay bye
7 - Sanic's Tip
Sanic woke up. "What even the fuck..." He had a sharp pain in his crotch. He looked down to find out it was stuck in a pencil sharpener. "Wait how did this happen?"
"It happened again." Teils said. "You sleepfucked."
"Damnit!" Sanic yelled. "The last time this happened was when Emy was over. She didn't talk to me for, like, a week. How do I get this out?" He tried forcing it out, but it was so jammed in there it wouldn't hurt. Plus it only added to the pain. "Teils can you help me?"
"I could..." Teils said.
"Then why aren't you?" Sanic asked 3.7 seconds before he realized Teils is a douche. Teils went over to the charger, which was unplugged somehow.
"Because" Teils answered. "You've been a dick to me. Now I get to have some fun." He pulled the plug of the sharpener over to the outlet. "Now you get to do what I do. Or else..." Teils plugged it in for a second. Sanic felt intense electrical shock, especially in his dick. It might have been a second, but DAMN it hurt.
"You little shit!" Sanic said. He was about to reach over to Teils.
"Ah, ah, ah!" Teils said about to plug the sharpener in. "Don't you dare. Or else I'll do it again!" Sanic remembered the horrifying pain he was in just a few seconds ago. He retreated. "That's a good Sanic. Now's a good time to remember, your actions have consequences"
Sanic was pissed. He wanted to turn Teils' scrotum inside out, but with the risk of getting his dick electrocuted again, he refrained.
"And now comes the fun part" Teils said, with an evil grin.
First off, he made Sanic watch MTV. It was the most horrific experience Sanic ever had. But nothing was worse than a dick shock. He was held prisoner by Teils, just because he raped a pencil sharpener.
Teils left for a second to get a potato. Sanic tried to escape but Teils came back too soon. He yanked the charger back. Not only was Sanic stopped in his tracks, but his sore dick got a sharp jolt of pain. "Now let's go." he demanded. He and Sanic got outside. Sanic was so embarassed, with Teils restraining him by a charger to a pencil sharpener he got his dick in. They ran into Emy.
"Uh... hi Sanic..." Emy said. She was confused at what she saw for a second. "What's going on...?"
Teils whispered something into Sanic's ear. Sanic got up and said. "Emy... y-you're a... a whormo."
"What?" Emy said.
"A whormo." Sanic replied. He wanted to die right there and then. Emy said nothing. She walked away. "Damnit Teils." He said.
"That was fun, but that wasn't why we came out here." Teils said.
"What!?" Sanic exclaimed. "So if Emy was here, you couldn't save me from total embarassment."
"Yep!" Teils replied. "But that was entirely worth it." He guided Sanic over to Knockles house?
"Um... what are we doing here?" Sanic said, with a slight hint of worry in his voice.
"You'll see." Teils said.
"What are you insane?" Sanic said to him. "You know Knockles has serious angery management problems!"
"That's the idea." Teils said. He knocked on Knockles' door.
Knockles answered. "What the fuck do you want" he said, not even caring about Sanic's dick. He had a super-jacked arm from masturbating for, like, a week straight. Sanic and Teils were a little surprised by this.
Teils whispered in Sanic's ear again. "Oh my god Teils no" Sanic said quietly.
"Do it you slut" Teils said, still quiet. "Or else..." He held up the plug to the potato. Sanic sighed.
"Fuck you Teils." He said, his hands trembling as he moved closer to Knockles.
"What's happening?" Knockles answered. Sanic's hands inched closer, with Teils getting the plug closer and closer to the potato. Sanic's hands full-on handled Knockle's member. "WHAT THE FUCK" Knockles yelled, surprised by the act. "What are you doing!?"
He grabbed Sanic and turned him over. He raised his arm and completely fisted Sanic. He was in serious pain, to the point where he was bleeding. After that was done, Teils and Sanic trudged out of his goddamn territory.
After more horrifying stunts Teils made Sanic do, he decided enough was fucking enough. "FUCK YOU TEILS" he said as he started choking Teils. Teils plugged the sharpener in the potato. Sanic started to feel the shock. It hurt like hell, but he was too blinded by completely, raw fury. The current passed on to Teils, and the pencil sharpener started to sharpen, completely decimating Sanic's dick. With both Teils and Sanic being shocked and Sanic's dick being grinded to a pulp, Sanic was in horrifying pain. Eventually Teils stopped fighting and simply started convulsing. Sanic let go of Teils, dropping him to the ground. Teils was still moving uncontrollably, despite being broken from the electric shock. Sanic tried to get to the potato, unplugging the sharpener. Even after it was unplugged, Sanic was in serious pain from his penis being destroyed. But there was still enough left that the now bloody pencil sharpener hung on.
Sanic crawled over town, looking for help, but nobody would. Everyone just simply walked away from him imediately. He only had one option left. Sanic completely hated his existence, but he would be willing to do anything for him. Rebutnik.
He trudged on Rebutnik's door. Sanic ringed the bell and he answered almost immediately. "Hel-oh, hello~" Rebutnik said as he opened the door.
"I don't have time for your shit, Rebutnik" Sanic said. "I just need some goddamn help" he said as he showed him what's left of his dick."
"Oh my..." Rebutnik said. All he did was just yank the sharpener out, proving Sanic is a weak-ass bitch. But Rebutnik fainted at the sight of Sanic's shredded-up schlong. Sanic nearly threw up.
Teils woke up. He looked around. A potato with a plug-shaped hole in it and quite a bit of blood. "Fuck!" he said. "Sanic got away!" He spotted and followed Sanic's blood trail and spotted him by Rebutnik's house. The pencil sharpener was out, Sanic's dick was destroyed, and both him and Rebutnik were passed out by a puddle of vomit. "Oh my god..." Teils said. He dragged Sanic back their house.
Eventually Sanic woke up. "Ugh... HOLY SHIT" he said, seeing his dick again. "Teils help me!"
"Okay, okay!" He was about to call 911 to get this repaired. But Sanic felt a boner going on. A little bit of his penis grew back. Teils hung up. "Holy shit" he said. "You'll be fine in a few days." He said as he walked upstairs.
Sanic was a little shocked by this, but not really. Eventually his dick grew back in a few days, like Teils said, because Sanic's penis grew back every time he felt en erection coming on. He had a celebratory fap when it all came back. Everything was solved. Except Emy had an emotional crisis from being called "whormo" and got into a deep depression for weeks.
Sanic and his numerous friends have various flim flams across sexiness.